Friday, May 04, 2007 / 8:27 PM
Life.I wanna share.I just wanted to post it even it happened like a week ago. It's my course on saturday, a long...meaningful..tired...inspiring...a REAL day. I guess i'll remember the day for my lifetime. Hmm.. It's Personal Growth on my course, nothing about advertising, it's just about you you and you. We were told that it'll be a roller coaster ride on that day, well ya IT IS.
I've learn alot in that class. It's a 12 hours class for the 21 of us. We discovered who we really are inside, real deep...and ya mask. Mask... do you wear it? I mean everyone have a mask, you aren't your trueself in front of everyone around you, you might disagree with me but i bet YOU are a different person in front of your friends, and the same YOU are different in front of strangers or parents? or the same YOU might also be different on the net. You might be hurt, really hurt inside but there's always a smile on your face.. telling everybody you're okay but you know you're not.Why? Why wearing the mask? Afraid to be yourself? Afraid what people might think of you when you just take it off? Pretending to be all okay when you're just freaking wanna shout out everything in you and cry cry cry?? I remember this statement so clearly " Who told you that you are not good enough? Who told you you're not worth it?" There are some of your experience or beliefs in you that you created along your way that tells you, you freakin fails. So what. Face it, you have to. If not now, when?This 'mask' is with you for a loooong loooong time. It's time you take it out.Be yourself.
We shared alot in the session, I witnessed people who are looking so tough and strong all the time just broke down and cried talking about themselves.. I realize that the way you act now, the personalities you carries, the beliefs you created yourself, are all from your experience, sad or happy, hurting or encouraging.. it's all became something in you. Some might hold you back from doing things, and some might give you a lil push. You have to find the source that makes YOU now. Stop running from everything, it has been in there for quite some time.. ya in your heart..just let it out, you'll find yourself.
Honestly, I cried all day long that day, and it was the same for my classmates. We have a break, and we continued. Lights were dimmed.Musics were playing.Eyes close. Trainer leads us to a journey. He led us to some1 who have caused us pain in life... in the beginning the one i was thinking is a another person..but when it really comes, the person who really did a long hurt in my life came in mind. I realize this person's the one, who really caused me pain real deep, i was pretending not to care or mind, but it was there all along... i just chose to hide it, to let myself stop hurting and run away from the fact that i really care or mind if this person do care for me..it just came up and it won't go. I felt hatred, I felt hurt, I felt a scar in my heart.Crying. The trainer's voice is going in my head " THIS PERSON IS THE ONE WHO CAUSED YOU WHAT YOU ARE NOW! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME....YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME..IF THIS PERSON IS JUST IN FRONT OF YOU,WHAT WILL YOU SAY TO THIS PERSON, IF YOU WERE TO SAY SOMETHING,IT'S NOW" ..........i let out a scream while crying real badly.. and so did the rest. I felt hurt..hatred..broken hearts..filling the room. But, he continues.."and this person just dissapeared in front of you..no longer there..you're okay now...this person will not be hurting you anymore...gone" I cried even harder compared to thinking of what this person did to me. I felt it's even more difficult to get over losing this person then having this person.This is the time, i felt regret.. regret on my hatred... I no longer hate this person..I really care and love her. My hatred should stop, before she's gone.Appreciate is what i have now in mind. I finally let go... let go something that's in there so long that it leaves a deep and long scar...It can finally be found and heal =)
Then..it was the person you've caused pain to. I couldn't thought of anyone that I really caused so much pain that changes the person's life. But i remembered the voice " YOU HAVE CAUSED THIS PERSON SO MUCH PAIN THAT LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME FOR HIM/HER AGAIN, THIS PERSON WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN..it's all because of you." I told myself, never ever... do this.
Break. =)
End of class, we just have pure fun ^^ dancing around with humans who have just took off their mask, everyone was so real...i felt that i liked them all more, without their mask.
I've learn that.. I'm not a victim anymore..It's part of my responsibility. If i'm not the solution, I'm the problem. It's really a powerful training.Personal Growth.I have to say Thanks 95%! That was really a day for me. Just wanna share it here, felt all emo writing all this >.<
-Mun- *~~ signs off.
